I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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