it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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