the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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