Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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