God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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