Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
