She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
