I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
