I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
