First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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