Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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