i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
