Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Can I color on your dick again?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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