More tranny stories later!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
