Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
