why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
