My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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