haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
nutella sex= disaster
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize