i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
