My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
This baby is an asshole
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
