The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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