i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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