fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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