I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
