Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
jump out the window naked night went bad
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize