I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
