Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
