i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
