I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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