thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
