The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
