Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
