some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I did not marry a roomba.
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