Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
