i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
