youre lurking in front of me
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
