i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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