He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
