dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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