I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
