I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
