i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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