Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
