you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
