He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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