Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
