I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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