you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
