he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
