What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
where does the pee come out of this thing
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
