And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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