I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
