It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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