Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize