Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
