Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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