I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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