i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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