I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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