Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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