fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Randomize
