I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
