Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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