just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
