you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
