just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
