I am puke
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
