I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
