i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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