Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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