I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
