I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
